Last month, I’m in the terminal, stuck behind some poor soul who suddenly gets yanked aside—crew swarms in, clipboard ready, muttering about “updated medical screening protocols.” Like, what does that even mean? It’s all hush-hush, but you can feel the tension. Cruise lines are getting way more intense about medical checks at boarding—random health screenings, […]

Okay, so, Wi-Fi on cruises. Used to be you’d just grumble about the signal, now it’s the price that makes you want to throw your phone overboard. Carnival’s “Premium Plan” is, what, nearly $28 a day now? Princess’s single-device Wi-Fi—$24.99, up 67%. I’m not even sure I remember my Netflix password, but I guess it […]

Let’s just get this out of the way: booking direct with the cruise line doesn’t guarantee you a bargain. Learned that the hard way. Thought I was being clever, skipping the “middleman,” clicking “Book Now” on the cruise line’s website. Then my friend, who uses some travel agent who still faxes things (who even owns […]

So I’m sitting there on embarkation day thinking, “Alright, I’ve got this—Wi-Fi? Paid. Drinks? Paid. What else could possibly pop up?” And right then, some crew member hands me a slip and, oh, cool, the cruise line just jacked up the automatic gratuity. Didn’t warn me. Sometimes they do it between sailings, like it’s a […]

So, you know those emails that cruise lines love to send? “Special upgrade opportunity!”—blah blah, all noise, never actually the thing you want. What’s hilarious is, the “category upgrades” get plastered everywhere, but the real upgrade—the one where you magically end up in a balcony or suite for peanuts—never gets a mention. It’s like a […]

So, look, I’ve been herding people onto cruise ships for over a decade, and you’d think I’d have seen it all. Nope. Port fees still sneak up on me like that one roommate who “forgets” their share of rent. And don’t even get me started on how a cruise you thought you budgeted for suddenly […]

Look, every time I see one of those “hot deal” cruise ads, I just roll my eyes—does anyone actually talk about all the sneaky little things that nuke your bill? Last cruise, I watched people fork over full price for drink packages while I wandered off, found the loyalty lounge, and scored free espresso and […]